Friday, March 2, 2012

Things I'm Ashamed Of

Things I'm ashamed of

1. Sometimes I encourage the children to ask their daddy if they can get in the shower with him just so I can get out of giving them a bath and I can also get some quiet time. I hope he doesn't read this...

2. Today I ate about 20 shortbread cookies in one sitting. Then my children found me hunched in the corner of my closet and I ended up sharing my last 4 cookies. I've really got to work on sharing with others....

3. I take advantage of the fact that Slaten is big enough to do things on his own. "Slaten, would you please grab me a bottle of water?" "Slaten, would you please open the door and let the dog out?" "Slaten, would you please rub my feet while I sit here eating this debbie cake that I won't share with you?" *Please note I do not really make my 4 year old watch me eat debbie cakes, I hide in the closet*

4. Somehow my children got the idea that only their father can change batteries in toys. They say, "Oh, this needs a battery. Guess daddy can do it when he gets home." I haven't corrected this error in their thinking.

5. Sometimes at night when I can't sleep I kick Sweet Husband in the leg to make him stir so I don't feel so 'alone'. If he stirs enough I started sighing in his ear until he rolls over and holds me. I can be so needy at times.

6. Disney Channel Stars in my favorite Pandora station.

7. I have to watch Goosebumps everyday. But not because of the children.. I don't know if I'm really ashamed of this because Goosebumps is clearly one of the greatest shows ever made. AmIright?

8. I can't fit any more clothes in my drawers and I still have 2 hampers full. This is why I never like to get caught up on laundry. That and I genuinely hate doing laundry...

9. When I don't sleep well I act like a 5 year old. Don't put it past me to lay on the floor while kicking and flailing about. It's a miracle I found a husband. 

10. Today in Target I went to check Cullen's diaper because he made a rather loud noise and I stuck my hand right into... well... you know. I then had to wheel around the store to the bathroom where a sales person asked me if she could help me. I then held up my hand and said, "Just going to the bathroom".... She didn't seem to anxious to help me after that. Sidenote: I did wash my hands and I didn't touch the buggy handle so no worries about your littles mouths on the cart handles after I use them.

Whew, it felt good to get that all off my chest....

Friday, February 10, 2012

Things That Irritate Me (today anyway).

Things That Irritate Me
(today anyway )

1. When I press the 'ON' button on my remote it is suppose to turn my DVR and TV on. But if it turns the TV on first then you have to turn it all back off and try again. I always end up hitting the button too many times and my TV just turns on and off, on and off, until I get really frustrated and have to walk over and manually turn the TV on. Aren't we past the times of having to get up while watching TV???
Am I right??

2. Short socks. My shoes favorite snack.

3. Looking over at a red light only to find someone staring at you. I mean rude, how am I suppose to pick my nose if you're looking at me??

4. The garbage can across the street. One day a delivery truck dropped it off and it hasn't moved since. Well except for when a firetruck hit it... but that's another story.. well I'll tell that story next because it irritates me too.

5. When people burn trash in their backyard on a windy/dry day and don't own a hose. Apparently that results in yards catching on fire... geniuses.

6. Feeling like a criminal while trying to buy sudafed. "No ma'am, I'm not making meth *achoo* I really just want to breathe out of my nose."

7. Changing a diaper in the front seat of my car. Thank goodness for leather..... Next time kid go before we leave the house.

8. Finding weird sticking stuff in my hair. I don't even know what this is!??!??!!

9. The fact that there is a box of chocolates on my counter, but I can't eat them because they're not for me. *pout*

10. That there is no such thing as a self cleaning car. I mean it's 2012 for goodness sake!! Weren't we suppose to be at least in flying cars by now?

Friday, February 3, 2012

Random (day after) Thursday

Random (day after ) Thursday

1. Last Friday I took Slaten out on a date. Just the two of us. We went to Chick Fil A and then bowling. Did anyone else know that they can decide who gets bumpers and who doesn't now? So this gal didn't get to use the bumpers like I was hoping for... Yes, I was beat by a 4 year old. 79-69. He rubbed it in my face for several days. Never. taking. him. bowling. again.

2. I apparently can't handle Sweet Husband going out of town for work. It was only 2 nights, but every time I got off the phone with him I cried. I'm thinking he should never take a 3rd shift job. I also couldn't understand why he couldn't spend an hour on the phone with me. I mean I know he was working and all, but didn't he understand that I was at home alone with 2 children who could clearly smell my fear???

3. I went to my first bull riding event. Obviously, I'm not that "country". I couldn't handle it very well. Everyone else just watched on like it was normal for men to sit on top of very big animals who were clearly not pleased with this. I sat covering my mouth and cringing every time a cowboy fell off. I wanted to stand up and yell, "What's wrong with you people?!??? Can't you see this is dangerous!!!?" But I just sat with my mouth wide open and looked back and forth from the excited crowd to the young men getting run over by ferocious bulls. A sport I'll never understand.

4. You know those days when you're trying to get you and your kids ready by yourself and your youngest finds a can of paint that isn't closed all the way and he throws it at your kitchen curtains, all down the wall, and onto the floor? Yes, we had one of those mornings on Sunday.

5. Or how about those walmart trips where your youngest breaks 3 pie crusts, throws things out of your buggy 4 times, and then plunges to the floor (unharmed, but in front of witnesses)? Yeah, we had one of those mornings too.

6. I had to use a coupon this morning for a prescription and I had to apologize for the suspicious looking stains all over it. I quickly told her it was just juice, but it really resembled blood. She eyed me for a little while....

7. Nutella on coconut bar cookies and you're welcome.

8. Slaten thinks the girl on the Grinch is, in his words, " As cute as she can be"... he was talking about the cartoon one.

9. My brother sent our Wii back because it was messing up just 3 weeks after we got it. They fixed it and sent it back. My brother called to tell me they found the problem. Apparently someone thought it was a gumball machine. They taped the penny to the box...

10. Did anyone else forget how delicious pizza rolls are? Because I did. I have had them for 3 meals this week... Thank you Totinos for reminding me just how awesome you really are.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

These Were a Few of My Scariest Things

I'm BAAAaakkk. Let's start off by clearing up a few things, shall we? Number one, I am not dead. Number two, I am not pregnant. Apparently those are the only two reasons people would quit blogging. My reason? Laziness at its finest. So I'm just going to jump right back into it.... or I might take another break. Only time can tell..

Things That Terrified Me As a Child

Porcelain Dolls
I had a best friend growing up (I won't know names, she knows who she is) who had a ton of porcelain dolls in her bedroom. During the day I was fine with the dolls. They were pretty with their milky white skin, smooth silky hair, and their antebellum dresses. But by night they were absolutely terrifying. She would walk out of her room to go get something and I would huddle in the corner glancing from doll to doll until she came back. I swear they were looking at me, wanting to dig their porcelain fingernails into my skin... wanting to change me into a doll... wait never mind that was an Are You Afraid of the Dark episode...

The Peanut Butter Solution
I know, I know I've mentioned this one before, but you guys you don't understand. The horror of this movie!!!! The kid went in the house and he lost his hair and there was peanut butter and hair and... okay, that's all I remember, but it was horrifying!

The D.A.R.E. Program
This program had me terrified of Drug Dealers. In my mind they were all big scary men who would come up to young girls and hold a gun to their head and say, "Do these drugs or I'll kill you!". So I'd lie awake at night trying to come up with my answer because just saying "NO" to a big scary guy with a gun to your head seemed like the wrong idea, if you asked me.

Drinking and Driving
When I was small my mother use to drink and drive. Yes, you heard me right. She had no shame in holding that Pepsi bottle at her lips while operating her motor vehicle. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why she would disobey the radio commercial so boldly. Had she no shame? I was so scared that we were going to get pulled over and she would be dragged off to jail and my brother and I would motherless. Want to know a secret? She still does it!! She'll never learn.

Caffeine Pills
Thank you, Jessie Spano for that one. I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so scared!!! Never will I ever touch a caffeine pill.

My Buddy Doll
How could I not me scared of this doll? He's Chucky! Just look at him! *Shudders*

One time my brother, his friend, and I were walking to our house. We spotted a sweet little kitten on the road so we walked towards it to pet his little sweet kitty head. As we approached the sweet little kitty turned into a psychotic raccoon who was foaming at the mouth. We ran screaming and the crazy raccoon chased after us. It took several weeks for me to be able to walk outside without fear of rabies.

Oh, how I love childhood memories. Nothing warms the heart more than to remember the fears of my youth. Thankfully I am over these fears.... well least the DARE program doesn't scare me anymore.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

We have 11 days until Christmas. Every year I say I'm going to be prepared way in advance. Each year, I lie. I'm setting a goal to start in July next year..... I'll let you know how that goes.

 So we took the little tykes to see Santa at Bass Pro Shop last week. This was Cullen's very first Santa visit. I wasn't sure how he was going to handle it. You know, the whole strange man with a fluffy beard and large belly handing out candy? Kinda freaky if you think about it. Not to mention exactly what we tell our children to stay away from. We waited patiently for our turn (thankfully we were 3rd in line) and then we walked up to the Jolly ole' guy. Okay, this Santa was amazing! I'm talking real beard with the little turned up mustache. Rosy cheeks, gleam in his eye. His belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.. whole 9 yards.

 Slaten jogged up and jumped right into his lap. I held sweet little Cullen and walked him up to old Saint Nick. He reached out his hands and Cullen dug his tiny, razor sharp fingernails into my arms. His eyes widened in horror as he realized I was about to hand him to this strange man who was dressed like an over sized pin cushion. His mouth opened wide in a state of utter shock. I could practically feel the fear radiate off of him as he climbed up my body, searching behind me for a soul to help him escape. I cooed to him in my soft momma voice that this was Santa Claus. The most beloved man among children! I pried his baby gorilla grip from my arms and handed him to Santa. He whimpered and started to cry. I moved to the side so the photographer could snap a picture of my two beautiful children on the lap of Kris Kringle. A photo I could treasure for the rest of my life. One I could pull out for years to come and show future wives and future grandchildren.

 Thinking quickly Santa handed Cullen a couple of candy canes. This stopped the tears, but the look of betrayal was still on Cullen's face as he glanced at me and then back at the stranger passing out candy. The photographer in her Elf hat began to shake some bells drawing the attention away from Santa for a moment and to the camera. Cullen didn't smile, but at least he stopped shaking in terror. She snapped the shot and I bolted forward to grab my baby. I returned his death grip hug and explained that mommy would never leave him with a strange man who smells like peppermint. Despite my worrying the picture turned out a lot better than I thought it would. Just the tiniest lip poke was all Cullen did. I label this year's Santa visit a success!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Every Day Life

Wanna know what we've been doing lately? Nothing much...

Just racing through the house together

Playing wild bandits while half dressed

Making cute excited faces and super tough guy faces

You know? Just being cute.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Life Lately

 Guys, I am super duper excited! My first blog post for Alabama Baby Magazine went up last week! You can check it out here! I'm on cloud nine. So if you are visiting from welcome and thank you so much for stopping by!

Things have been crazy, busy lately and they are showing so signs of slacking up. So I'm just going to hit the highlights of what life is doing right now.

- I'm 67% sure Slaten's beta is biting the dust. Things are not looking good. I would perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, but I'm worried I'd inhale him, and I'm told fish need water not air to survive? Maybe we should have filled the bowl up?

- We've all been sick. Both boys had pink eye. That was fun. Have you ever had a child with pink eye? Do you know how hard it is to not touch your eyes when you're thinking about it? Are your eyes itching right now? Do you want to touch them? Sorry about that. Sweet Husband had an ear infection that the doctor said was bad enough that he could puncture his eardrum and let the pressure out for him. Sweet Husband declined. Can't say that I blame him. Saturday I lost my voice completely. It was heaven for my family. I ended up kicking them out so I didn't have to try to talk for the evening. I did have that sexy 40 year old woman smoker's voice for a few days after. That was awesome.

- I am OBSESSED with paranormal TV shows. I watch them everyday. Want to know a secret? I don't believe in ghosts. Yet, I can't stop the paranormal. Also I hate scary movies. I just don't understand myself sometimes.

- My car hates me. It's trying to fall apart. again. We are not on speaking terms right now and refuse to tell him good boy even when he gets me from point A to point B. Jed- you better watch it boy. You're about to get the boot.

- I've given Slaten a new name, Sassy Slaten. Apparently 5 is going to be a fun year... yay.... Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue....

- In less than 2 and a half weeks we will no longer have a baby. Insert sad face. Our little Cullen will be entering the terrible 2s. I don't want to talk about it. It's a touchy subject for me.

- I sold our crib and it was bittersweet. It also made me a little scared because I hear of these horror stories of women getting pregnant when they get rid of their baby stuff, so I've been doing a lot of praying lately. Please for my sanity's sake, no more children! I'm going to knock on wood now.

So there are the highlights from the past couple of weeks. I know life is only going to get busier this month so right now I'm going to enjoy nap time by watching paranormal tv shows and thinking about the pan of brownies sitting on my stove. They're calling my name.