Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

We have 11 days until Christmas. Every year I say I'm going to be prepared way in advance. Each year, I lie. I'm setting a goal to start in July next year..... I'll let you know how that goes.

 So we took the little tykes to see Santa at Bass Pro Shop last week. This was Cullen's very first Santa visit. I wasn't sure how he was going to handle it. You know, the whole strange man with a fluffy beard and large belly handing out candy? Kinda freaky if you think about it. Not to mention exactly what we tell our children to stay away from. We waited patiently for our turn (thankfully we were 3rd in line) and then we walked up to the Jolly ole' guy. Okay, this Santa was amazing! I'm talking real beard with the little turned up mustache. Rosy cheeks, gleam in his eye. His belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.. whole 9 yards.

 Slaten jogged up and jumped right into his lap. I held sweet little Cullen and walked him up to old Saint Nick. He reached out his hands and Cullen dug his tiny, razor sharp fingernails into my arms. His eyes widened in horror as he realized I was about to hand him to this strange man who was dressed like an over sized pin cushion. His mouth opened wide in a state of utter shock. I could practically feel the fear radiate off of him as he climbed up my body, searching behind me for a soul to help him escape. I cooed to him in my soft momma voice that this was Santa Claus. The most beloved man among children! I pried his baby gorilla grip from my arms and handed him to Santa. He whimpered and started to cry. I moved to the side so the photographer could snap a picture of my two beautiful children on the lap of Kris Kringle. A photo I could treasure for the rest of my life. One I could pull out for years to come and show future wives and future grandchildren.

 Thinking quickly Santa handed Cullen a couple of candy canes. This stopped the tears, but the look of betrayal was still on Cullen's face as he glanced at me and then back at the stranger passing out candy. The photographer in her Elf hat began to shake some bells drawing the attention away from Santa for a moment and to the camera. Cullen didn't smile, but at least he stopped shaking in terror. She snapped the shot and I bolted forward to grab my baby. I returned his death grip hug and explained that mommy would never leave him with a strange man who smells like peppermint. Despite my worrying the picture turned out a lot better than I thought it would. Just the tiniest lip poke was all Cullen did. I label this year's Santa visit a success!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Every Day Life

Wanna know what we've been doing lately? Nothing much...

Just racing through the house together

Playing wild bandits while half dressed

Making cute excited faces and super tough guy faces

You know? Just being cute.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Life Lately

 Guys, I am super duper excited! My first blog post for Alabama Baby Magazine went up last week! You can check it out here! I'm on cloud nine. So if you are visiting from welcome and thank you so much for stopping by!

Things have been crazy, busy lately and they are showing so signs of slacking up. So I'm just going to hit the highlights of what life is doing right now.

- I'm 67% sure Slaten's beta is biting the dust. Things are not looking good. I would perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, but I'm worried I'd inhale him, and I'm told fish need water not air to survive? Maybe we should have filled the bowl up?

- We've all been sick. Both boys had pink eye. That was fun. Have you ever had a child with pink eye? Do you know how hard it is to not touch your eyes when you're thinking about it? Are your eyes itching right now? Do you want to touch them? Sorry about that. Sweet Husband had an ear infection that the doctor said was bad enough that he could puncture his eardrum and let the pressure out for him. Sweet Husband declined. Can't say that I blame him. Saturday I lost my voice completely. It was heaven for my family. I ended up kicking them out so I didn't have to try to talk for the evening. I did have that sexy 40 year old woman smoker's voice for a few days after. That was awesome.

- I am OBSESSED with paranormal TV shows. I watch them everyday. Want to know a secret? I don't believe in ghosts. Yet, I can't stop the paranormal. Also I hate scary movies. I just don't understand myself sometimes.

- My car hates me. It's trying to fall apart. again. We are not on speaking terms right now and refuse to tell him good boy even when he gets me from point A to point B. Jed- you better watch it boy. You're about to get the boot.

- I've given Slaten a new name, Sassy Slaten. Apparently 5 is going to be a fun year... yay.... Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue....

- In less than 2 and a half weeks we will no longer have a baby. Insert sad face. Our little Cullen will be entering the terrible 2s. I don't want to talk about it. It's a touchy subject for me.

- I sold our crib and it was bittersweet. It also made me a little scared because I hear of these horror stories of women getting pregnant when they get rid of their baby stuff, so I've been doing a lot of praying lately. Please for my sanity's sake, no more children! I'm going to knock on wood now.

So there are the highlights from the past couple of weeks. I know life is only going to get busier this month so right now I'm going to enjoy nap time by watching paranormal tv shows and thinking about the pan of brownies sitting on my stove. They're calling my name.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Why Kids are Like Puppies

Why Kids Are Like Puppies

1. When you're eating a delicious meal they beg. Sometimes when you turn away they sneak food off of your plate.

2. They both will pee on your rug at some point in their lives.

3. They sit at the door and beg to go out.

4. Occasionally they whimper during the night.

5. They tear up important things like bills or uncashed checks if left within their reach.

6. When they want something they look at you with big puppy dog eyes and you succumb to their power and give in.

7. They want to sit in your lap at all times.

8. The often lick your face.

9. Sometimes you have to walk them even if it's 30 degrees outside. One might just need to go potty, but the other might have croup and you do it because you love them both.

10. Sometimes they smell weird.

11. You will get covered in water when you bathe either of them.

12. They get excited if someone comes to the door.

13. They both get time outs.

14. They both learn the same commands, "Sit!" "Lay Down!" "Roll over (and go to sleep)" They also know the words, bite bite, outside, bye bye, and bath time.

15. When they're asleep you can't help but to pet their heads.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Little Spooks

Halloween is over. I couldn't wait to take down my decor. Mainly because I put them up on September 1st and well I was getting tired of the same thing. Granted my pumpkins are still out because I leave them out for Thanksgiving, but I'm kind of getting tired of those too..... So I'm going to wait until after Thanksgiving like a normal person before I put out Christmas decor so I can actually enjoy it all without hating the junk before the actual holiday. But really that has nothing to do with this post so.....

We had a great time trick or treating Monday night. We and a group of our friends met at my brother in law and sister in laws house to take out our little spooks. Living on a farm doesn't make for a good trick or treat time. Unless you like walking half a mile to your neighbors house and constantly checking to make sure a coyote isn't luring in the fields as you pass. So we packed up and headed to their place where all the houses are right there together so you get more candy without leg cramps and having to catch your breath before you ring the doorbell.

We had Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Spiderman, Mario, the Hulk, a monkey, and a bumblebee with us. Slaten is the oldest of the group and being as he's only 4 you can only imagine how adventurous that was. We started on our way to the first house. All the little tykes ran up to the door. Several shoves to be the first to ring the bell and then a loud "TRICK OR TREAT" followed by the group rushing in the door. Okay, so we didn't quite explain the idea to them too well. After a retrieval and a quick pep talk on what trick or treating was all about we were back on our way.

We were doing good, making good time, then we hear crying. Bumblebee down! She got a few kisses from mommy and we were back on our way. Next house Bumblebee almost caught on fire by someones fire pit! Bumblebee's wings are inspected and we're good to go. We made it to the last house on the street and the kids rush to the door. A nice older man opens the door. He's standing there in his shorts. He happened to have a prosthetic leg. Mario reached out and gave his leg a nice little pet. The kids were in awe, we were slightly mortified. The man seemed not to mind. Another pep talk about not petting people are we were on our way again.

Bumblebee tripped over a flower bed and fell again. Someone stepped on Darth Vader's cape and had to face the rage of an angry 4 year old. A man in a Mike Meyer's outfit followed us for a bit. The kid's didn't seem to care, though some of the parents were a little unnerved. Okay weirdo, we're not at a haunted house. The monkey and Hulk got tired so they headed back to the house. The others pressed on. Luke Skywalker was the next to back down and shortly after the rest were ready to get into their loot so they headed back.

We made it. Halloween night was over. All the kids ended it with a sugar high and us parents were just thankful that everyone made it through without crying and fighting. I'm so thankful to have our amazing friends and seeing our kids grow up together like most of us have is really quite awesome. So here's to many more Halloween's guys! I'm loving these memories!


Friday, October 28, 2011

Scary Movie Lessons

 Things I have learned from Scary Movies

1. When there is a killer in your house always run upstairs. I'm not sure what is up there that is going to protect me, but the person who runs upstairs always seems to survive in the end. I don't know what I'm going to do seeing as we live in a one level house.... Maybe a ladder to the roof?

2. If you see a creepy hotel that seems vacant it is probably because there is a killer inside. I suggest sleeping in your car.

3. A movie with the title The Peanut Butter Solution will scar your children for life. I can't remember what this movie was about, but there is a little boy who loses his hair because he goes into a scary abandoned house and he decides to use the Peanut Butter Solution to grow it back. I'm not even sure if that's an accurate description of the movie, but in my little kid mind that's how it went down.

4. Sometimes clowns come through your drain in the bathtub. Another reason to leave those clogs.

5. Sparkly Vampires are not scary, but if you see Blade coming you might want to check behind you.

6. If a little kid creeps you out it is because he is possessed. I probably wouldn't accept babysitting offers from their parents.

7. If you wake up chained in a bathroom things probably aren't going to end well for you. Not to mention how unsanitary that is... Lysol anyone?

8. If you go out into the woods to hunt down a witch your nose is going to run really, really bad so take plenty of Kleenex.

9. Using a Ouija board brings about evil. I don't recommend it unless you have a priest next door.

10.If your TV set turns on automatically and there is white static you should just unplug it because a freaky wet girl will come through and ruin your Persian rug.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Slaten has one more soccer game left. We have had such a blast watching his little team kick some serious preschool booty all over the soccer field this year. His team only has 4 players. Two boys and two girls. The last game he played went a little something like this:

 We have one little powerhouse named "T" who is 5 years old. She is the go to girl. All of the children know this so of course they try to get her the ball every time. T runs that ball straight for the goal every single time she gets her feet on it. All of us parents were just floored at how awesome she was doing during this game. She ended up scoring 10 goals. As a matter of fact all 4 of the kids scored a goal that night. The other boy "A" scored 2 or 3. The other little girl "L" scored her first goal of the season as did our very own Slaten.

 It was an intense moment in the game. All of the little tykes were down the field fighting for possession of the ball. Feet were kicking all over the place. One little body fell down, some others tripped over her and tumbled down too. Everyone scrambled to get back up. It was on! They ran up the field, down the field, to the side, "oh look a bird", focus came back to the game, they ran some more. Finally they all ended up at the end of the field near the goal. One of our team players had the ball. They started up the field. Feet were kicking, kicking, and Slaten blasted through the pack with the ball. He dribbled it as fast as he could straight to the goal. He kicked. IT'S GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

  Everyone clapped and cheered! Including the other team! They were just as excited because........ Slaten has just scored a goal for their team....... He was so ecstatic. He got high fives from both teams and the smile on his face was enough for me to be elated that my little boy, the soccer star, had scored his first goal in a game. So watch out David Beckham there's a new kid in town. Granted he might just score for your team, but boy is he good.

Hey check out the Follower Fest going on over here. It's pretty much amazing.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Rub a Dub Dub, Momma in the tub.

  I very much look forward to the day when I am able to take a shower in peace.
A day when I don't feel like I have to look over my shoulder.
A day when I'm not afraid to close my eyes.
When I don't fear that the shower curtain will open and
  I will see a peeping tom looking in at me. 
When I don't have little hands reaching in and pinching my legs, 
when I can shave and not have to dodge flying hot wheels.
A day when someone doesn't flush the toilet and send me scurrying into the corner to avoid the hot, scalding water. 
A day when I don't say the phrases, "Please get your mouth off of the toilet", or "Get my toothbrush out of your ear!"
A day when little hands don't sneak in when I'm not looking and turn the cold water on full blast. 
A day when I can close my eyes to wash my face instead of opening them suddenly to make sure I'm alone and getting soapy, burning face wash in my eyes.
A day when I don't hear breaking glass and smell strong flowery perfume.
A day when I don't have to fear that chemicals are being ingested or poured out all over the floor.
A day when all of the towels remain in the cabinet for once.
When I can step out of the shower without having an audience. 

Oh to have a relaxing shower alone. I long for those days.
Until then I guess I will have to get use to being on display and
eventually you get use to the burning, soapy eyes.... I just need to keep practicing.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


Sweet Husband and I got in to an argument the other day.
While most couples argue about important things such as
money, the children, what school district to live in... we argue about much, much more 
important things.

 Sweet husband walked in the door Tuesday afternoon after a hard days work. He hurt his finger at work and had to do a lot of hard manual labor. On top of that he has an allergy mess going on that he lets me know about every 5 to 10 minutes. I had a hard day of moving furniture, touching up paint, moving all of Cullen's clothes into his new room, cleaning out Slaten's closet and taking all the toys and separating them into their new spots in the playroom. I cooked the kids lunch. Dusted and vacuumed the majority of the house. Threw a load in the wash and did the dishes. I kissed boo boos and filled sippy cups 26 times. Held a crying toddler during a tantrum or two. Needless to say.... I did a whole lot.

 So Sweet Husband mentioned that the grass needed to be mowed. Well we all know who does that job..... ME. But Sweet Husband decided he wanted to do it. Then the argument began. 

I'll mow the grass today.

Um, excuse me? I'm sorry I don't think I heard you quite right. Hang on let me set this crying toddler down. You said you were going to get the mower out so I can mow the grass today, correct?

No, I said I was going to mow today. I had a hard day at work and I just want to sit and mow. You know, do some good ole manly yard work. *Side glances at toddler with snot running out of his nose and hand covered in an unknown substance*

But I need the break! You have to let me mow. I mean look at them. I've been with them all day and if I don't get some alone time soon you know my eye will start to twitch. Come on! *Side glances at toddler who is now making an escape because he has figured out how to open the front porch gate.*

Besides you got to sit in quiet and ride home from work. That constitutes as a break! Come on. Hand me the keys. *Reaches out to grab keys*

Well, I'll just start it and then you can finish. *Takes off running to the barn as I say "BUT"*

I sat on the porch and watched him mow. The children were crying because they weren't allowed to run out in front of the mower and I swapped up between pouty face and scowl each time he passed by. He didn't take the hint. He just waved. Eventually I just went and stood in the yard until he got off the mower and then it was my turn! I'm not sure what I'm going to do when the grass stops growing. I guess I'll have to find another "chore" to allow me a break. Maybe I should try my hand at chopping firewood......

Friday, September 23, 2011

Painters Anonymous

I really love to paint....
when I'm not painting that is. 

 I don't know why I do this to myself. I get an idea in my head and then I have to execute it immediately. I refuse to do anything else until my project is complete and well buddy if you're hungry stand in line, so are the children. 
 I recently decided that it would be good to have both boys in one room. That way we could use Cullen's room as a playroom and my living room could be clear of clutter. So in order to make all of this possible I had to repaint Slaten's room. Yes, I HAD to. The furniture refuses to move in until it is all done. If it were up to me I would have moved him in already, but hey the furniture does what it wants to. Okay, lame excuse. It's my fault. I wanted to redo the room. The furniture is actually excited about the move. But moving one child in with another  isn't that simple to me. First I had to mud the strips up in his room, then I had to paint the trim, then I had to sand the walls (which resulted in a dust filled nose and a child covered from head to toe in white powder *No, officer that isn't what you think it is, I promise*), then I had to paint the room 2 wonderful coats of dark grey. It looks fantastic.

 "Dark grey?" You ask. "Doesn't that feel like a dungeon?" Yes, see I have a theory. If you paint the room darker and put up black curtains they will think 
A) that it is night time sooner 
B) that it is still night time, even though it is 8:30 AM and 
C) this room is nice and cozy I want to stay in here as long as I can. We shall test my theory this weekend.. 

 I'm thinking the move will be good for them. Slaten already wants to share his bed with his brother (though I fear he'll smother him with his millions of babies, hence the reason for his own bed) so I'm hoping this will help them both to sleep through the night all the time. Shh don't crush my hopes you nay-Sayers. Now I must go back to painting their furniture. I told you... I can't just paint a room. I'm painting it a lovely shade of Red. Which coincidentally looks a lot like blood if it comes in contact with your skin. I should have noticed this before I left the house earlier. I think it wigged the drive thru girl out when she realized we bumped hands... Oh well, can't win them all.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Surprise Christmas Present

This post is meant to be funny. We weren't that heartbroken over the matter so please don't be sad by reading it. K? Thanks :)

I first want to start off by saying hello to my 
new followers! I'm so happy you're here! 
Of course my computer decided to bite
the dust so I haven't been able to respond
to any comments yet, but please
know that I am so excited to meet 
new friends and please don't think
I'm a weenie or a slacker
because I really do like to respond to 
all my comments to say hello!
P.S. I'm using a tiny netbook so I apologize in advance for any errors in this post. Please blame the extremely small keyboard and my very clumsy fingertips. Thank you, that is all.
 Christmas time was of course one of my favorite times as a kid. Waiting for Santa, decorating the tree, singing carols about Batman and Robin.. I have a lot of fond memories of that magical time of year. There was the year I walked into the living room to find a brand new pink Barbie corvette. Or the year I got the very cool, very hip, very ugly Gap Jacket. Santa was never one to disappoint. He loaded the gifts on, filled the stocking to the brim, and ate all the cookies my brother and I left out for him. What a wonderful way to spend the holidays. That is until my parents morbidly ruined it for us.

   My brother was 10, I was 8. We were anxiously waiting the arrival of this day. We couldn't wait to see what gifts our family had decided to shower on us the day before Christmas. We usually spent the day at my dad's parents for lunch and with my mom's parents for dinner. We played with our cousins, stuffed our faces with yummy food (always avoided the green jiggly food) and begged our parents to hurry so we could get on with the presents. We'd whine that they were taking too long and they'd start in with, "We're going to eat slower the more you ask!" It was very annoying. Finally after many threats we'd get to shred that beautifully wrapped paper to find our Christmas surprises. Merry laughter filling the room, Christmas music filling the air. Pure happiness. 
  As tradition in our family my brother and I were allowed to open one gift Christmas Eve from our parents. Usually in the evening before bed, but this special day our parents surprised us with this announcement, "Come outside we have something to show you".

   My brother and I wiggled with anticipation. "Oh my goodness this is it! We're getting something so awesome because we have to actually go outside to see this present. It must be big since they couldn't bring it in the house. Oh my, look! Daddy is already outside waiting! It must be something he has to reveal that's really going to knock our socks off." My brother and I, smiling ear to ear, chatting as we walk down the stairs ran every idea through our heads.  "New bikes! A basketball goal! A trampoline! A pony!" We just couldn't decide! So we walked down the stairs to where my dad was standing. Beside him on the ground was a blanket. Whatever our fantastic surprise was rested right there in front of us waiting to fill our lives with joy and excitement. We waited. Dad reached down. Here was the moment. The big present of the year. We couldn't hold still from excitement. He pulled the blanket back and there was.......
  Our golden retriever, Sam. Dead. Not moving. Our smiles faded. "Sam died this morning. We're so sorry. We just wanted to let you say goodbye before we buried him." My brother and I looked at each other. Then at the dog. Then at each parent. Then at the dog. Then back at each other. Then back at the dog. We decided that this was the worst Christmas present in the history of bad Christmas presents. 

  I brought this story up today to my parents. Apparently they didn't think about the fact of my brother and I thinking it could be a wonderful surprise we were being led to. I have now learned never to get my hopes up when they tell me they have something to show me. Thankfully the scarring of the event wasn't too much to handle and my brother and I moved on rather quickly (apparently presents to that to kids) and we still celebrate Christmas with only the seldom thought about the surprise gift.
R.I.P Sam.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Random Thursday

{# I can't even remember what number we're on...}

1. Today is laundry day. I'm embarrassed at the amount of piles of clothes I have to wash. I decided to combine all 4 of our baskets and sort them out. I'm not going to tell you how many piles I have right now. Quit asking, I'm too embarrassed. Okay there are 8. Eight piles of clothes. I think we might have too many clothes, but I just can't get rid of any. Well I might could get rid of some of Sweet Husband's clothes, but I don't guess that would be too nice...

2. I had a proud mommy moment the other day. Cullen (who is 20 months) went to the potty and patted it while saying "tee tee" and pulling his diaper off. So I sat him up there and he went!! I was so excited! Since then he has asked me to go potty a couple of times, but he usually just sits on it and poots and then busts out in his demonic laugh and we're done. Oh well he'll do it again one day.. I hope.

3. Slaten had his first soccer game Monday night. It started out with all the kids on the field and Slaten sitting right in the middle of them refusing to get up. I have it on video. Thankfully he got up and decided to run after the ball after a few minutes of almost being mauled over by 4 and 5 year olds. By the end of the game it was Slaten and one other little boy against the whole other team. We lost 1 child to countless hits to the head, lost another to fear of the game, and the other one decided to run in circles beside the field. They don't keep score in his age group, but his team totally won. Slaten did some fine footwork. He'd get the ball and just start kicking, usually to the other teams goal.... we have to explain that part a little better I think...

4. I was working on a piece of furniture for some friends and they wanted it distressed so I had it all out of the porch working away and Slaten asked, "Why are you ruining these drawers?" I explained to him that it is called distressing and it's really cool. He looked at me like I was crazy. He is so unhip. Get with the times 4 year old.

5. I have some music on my Ipod that is sang in German. One song in particular is Slaten's favorite. He listens to it in the car and sings rather loudly in made up Slaten/German words. At one part he says, "I got feelings!" which isn't in the song being as it's in German and all. I need to record it secretly because it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He does his voice really low and scratchy. He says they're mad when they sing. I hope he forever thinks we can all hear the music too so he'll continue to serenade us.

6. My Corgi dog turned 8 on Tuesday. I bought her treats to celebrate. She hates them. But she did enjoy the bunnies treats! I'm kind of tempted to try one of her treats. They smell like bacon...MMmmm bacon.

7. I just killed a spider. It could have been a brown recluse. I looked them up. Don't ever do that. I now feel like I have bugs all over me and I've convinced myself that all the spiders I saw in the shed are all brown recluses. Oh my goodness my skin is going to rot off!!

8. I'm on laundry load number 5 now. Only 3 more piles left. I am so proud of myself for not giving up yet. No sour clothes for this family this week!

9. Would it be weird if I taught Cullen to talk in a British cockney accent? I really love children with accents. "Why hello guv'nah".

10. Even though it's cool outside today, I'm craving ice cream. Chocolate Nonsense from DQ would really hit the spot. Anybody want to bring me some??? I'll pat you on the back and say thanks!! No, no one?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Channel Surfing

  As a momma, I rarely get to watch what I want on TV. During the day when the TV is on we're watching kid shows. During naps I'm too busy to watch TV and at night Sweet Husband usually watches something like football (which sometimes I want to watch too) or Pass Times. So I try to make the best out of the shows everyone else wants to watch. Here are some of the ways I do that.

A show about a little girl with a pink bob wig who goes to stay with her uncle who happens to be a puppet. The whole town are puppets except for the hero and the villain and nobody seems to find this odd. I have found one good reason to watch this show. The Hero Sportacus has very nice arms. Though the mustache is quite atrocious.

A show about a DJ named Lance Rock who plays with action figures that come to life. Nothing weird there. Except maybe the little green one with the long arms. He tends to freak people out. I like this show because DJ Lance makes awesome faces and has sweet dance moves.

She's a pig who lives with her pig family and they have an accent. Apparently Pig shows are big because there are 3 of them on the kids channels. I choose to like this one. Simply because they have accents and Cullen says Peppa Pig like a little English child now.

5 Australian Men singing and dancing with an over sized Octopus, Dog, and a very strange Pirate. I'm only okay with this show because I think the Blue one is kind of nice to look at.

A 4 year old whiny whiny boy who could use a good talking to, has adventures with his little sister Rosie (who can say the word "umbrella" but not "butterfly"? Reallly??), his mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa. Caillou is 4 and never grew any hair which I find sad because even little sister Rosie has hair. I don't know how I feel about his mom and dad's parenting skills because they let Caillou wear shorts when it's cold and they let Rosie wear a dress out in the snow. You know that babys legs are cold. Also they never put Caillou in time out when I think they should. Okay, so maybe there's not really anything I like about this show....

3 people stand on a podium and make guesses on what time they think a car will race down the track. The closest score wins money each time. I like to play with Sweet Husband, but I like to take it a step further and say, "Okay, if I win you have to go feed the dog." or "You have to change this poopy diaper". Lately I've gotten really good at winning.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Scary But True Tale


 There was an old barn out beside her house. She didn't venture out there very often. It was built to store hay and had a large room built inside of it. The creaking of the doors was enough to make any one's skin crawl and the clanging of the lock against the door was rather unsettling. Large tree branches scraped the tin roof mimicking nails on a chalkboard. But on this day she needed to go into the shed. She felt the pull to discover what was buried underneath the boxes of memories forgotten. She dismissed the warning from her mother to wait until her husband got home. She couldn't wait. She has to discover what is called... THE SHED.

 She put on her husbands Etnies because of laziness she didn't grab her own shoes and she slipped quietly out of the door as to not disturb the sleeping children. Her footsteps squishing in the soggy, muddy ground with each step. Above a bird flutters away. Cawing loudly as if a warning that she turn back and not venture into the unknown. She doesn't listen and continues across the yard. She reaches the shed. The doors, covered in black plastic to protect its innards from the rain, creak and shutter from the gusts of the wind. The lock clangs against the door as if to taunt her that she has no business here. She reaches anyway and slowly undoes the lock. Taking a deep breath she steps aside to swing the large wooden door open.

 She glances inside. Unsure of what lies in wait. Dust that was undisturbed for many months begins to settle around her. She takes one nervous step inside. She shines her flashlight, but the beam isn't bright enough to show what lurks in the shadows. She glances down to make sure all it okay to move forward. The plastic on the ground crinkles in the back corner. She stands still, listening, afraid to breath she shines her flashlight toward the noise. Nothing is there. She sighs and keeps moving toward the back of the shed. She notices a box and leans down to inspect it. There are webs connecting it to every other surface in this place. She shudders and knocks it with her foot. A very loud noise comes from inside, "LOW AND SLOW". She jumps and grabs her chest. Realization hits her that it's only an old toy she hid from her kids. Regaining her composure she reaches inside to see what other treasures are in the box. Nothing of importance so she moves on. Deeper into the shed.

 She looks around some more only to realize there are about a thousand little spiders on webs around her. They stare at her, ready to attack. She can feel the hair on the back of her neck stand up as she realizes they must be able to smell her fear.

 She takes a step back only to step in a puddle that she knows must house thousands of micro sized creatures ready to suck her blood out of her with many agonizing bites.

She glances up in hope of finding something to grab on to. That's when she sees the first nest. She whips her head back and forth quickly. The realization hits her that she's not alone. She hears the buzz now. Hundreds of nests attached to the roof and wall. They buzz her name she hears it ringing in her ears. She has to escape. This can't be the way things end for her. She has to protect others. Warn them of this place. So she runs. She finds the lock and slams the door. She runs to safety, the world a blur around her. She hears the buzz fading as they hum her name begging her to return.

 She doesn't look back. She opens the door to her house quickly. Steps inside to safety and breathes a sigh of relief. She made it. She'll never venture off again. She finds her slippers and slips them on and then plops down happily on the couch to sit down and write this blog. She should have listened to her momma...

Linking up here


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Gotta Do Some Random

Yeah, I know it's not Thursday, but
today deserves a little
bit of RaNdoM

1. It's raining.... Did you other Alabamians notice? I'm not going to complain because I was one of the ones praying for it, but I'm currently with power so maybe if I were one of the others I'd be less thankful. But there is so much rain that somehow it is under the floors in the middle of the house? Yeah, not sure how either, but it's kind of messing up the floors and I'm not sure what to do because I'm a girl and I don't know about things like this. So I jumped up and down on the floor boards and squeezed as much water out as I could. I also threw a towel on it. That seemed like a reasonable thing to do.

2. I had a dream and at the end of it Sweet Husband kissed me, but when I woke up it wasn't Sweet Husband at all. It was a slobbery baby giving my forehead a hickey. It was awkward and weird and it left my forehead covered in spit.

3. I've had a cold for the past week. But my voice waited until this past weekend when we had plans with friends to start sounding like a 60 year old lady with a black lung. I like to call it my "Sexy Voice". I mean what sounds sexier than a scratchy voice that occasionally hacks something up?

4. I put out my fall decor on September 1st. I couldn't wait any longer. It had to be done. Turns out I have more pumpkins than space to put them. So if you come over just move a pumpkin over and have a seat. Side note: My brother in law and sister in law have a dog named Punkin so I can't say pumpkin properly anymore... thanks for that guys.

5. There is a fly that keeps bombing at my face. It's really bothering me, but every time I want to kill it I can't find it. It's cold today shouldn't all insects die like immediately?

6. Slaten starts 4k preschool tomorrow. We are both so stink'n excited. Last year on this day I was sad because my little man was growing up. This year I'm like "Woohoo! Break for mommy!" Don't y'all pretend like you don't ever need a break from your kids... I'm just asking if I can sign them both up.

7. Cullen climbed up on the toilet and got one of my sample size perfume bottles and smashed it on the back of the toilet. Not only did my bathroom smell for days, but he also smelt like a baby prostitute for a while.

8. Sweet Husband is home earlier than he has been lately, both kids are asleep, wanna know what we're doing? Yep, you guessed it. We're watching Disney Channel. Oh yeah.

9. Slaten woke Sweet Husband up and said, "Who is snoring? It's very annoying!" Apparently it was me. I can't help it! One side of my nose is completely clogged up. So this causes snoring, snotting, and drooling. I'm one pretty lady in the morning.

10. Living in this rainy environment just confirms that I don't want to be Bella Swan no matter how sparkly her vampire might be, this weather all the time would be uber depressing.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Technology Failure

  I suck at technology. It's really sad actually. My brother is a computer genius/physicist (I'm pretty sure that is his what his position at work is called). I guess his big brain took all of the smart genes out of the mother's uterus because I got stuck with the leftovers. We're lucky I can even turn on a computer... But then you start throwing codes at me and new layouts and I'm all like Wha??? So if you try to follow me on BlogLovin I'm not sure it will work since I'm pretty sure it thinks I'm trying to steal someone else's blog and claim it as my own... yeah, I don't know. One might think I grew up in a time before computers, but no I'm just that dense.

  Let's discuss some ways technology makes me want to hide in a corner while rocking back and forth muttering something about the devil living in technical things.

Our Xbox: Our poor little Xbox was struck my lightning a few years back. So now you have to plug it in (but don't leave it plugged in because I'm afraid it will spontaneously combust) and then you have to hold the button on the plug semi-in. What's semi-in you ask?? That's where you press the button in, but not all the way in because it won't work that way. You have to hold it just perfectly so that the light stays on red long enough. It's become quite the art. If you have a lead finger forget it you will never succeed. Once it turns red you can put it down. Then you have to open the Xbox to insert the DVD or game. In order to open the Xbox you must beat your fist on the top at least 4 times with the right amount of force or your Xbox will refuse your DVDs entrance. It gets to be very frustrating and sometimes I want to cry when I'm being screamed at that I'm "being too slow and we need Lightning McQueen right now!!!"

Our Radio: Our radio that we have in the kitchen to keep me company while cleaning has a long wire... that is apparently the antenna. I have to try and find the perfect spot to pick up the radio stations I want to listen to, but I can only put the wire in certain spots being as it doesn't stand up on its own. I usually walk around while holding the wire and of course the best signal I get is if I stand in the middle of the kitchen with my arm straight up in the air. After one song I'm usually pretty tired so I just give up and turn it off.

My car radio: Dead. Ca put. Sleeping with the fishes. Yeah, it died when we went on Summer vacation..... in 2009!!! One might think we'd replace it by now, but since I can't seem to get anyone motivated enough to take it apart to see what is wrong I gave up....

A curling Iron: okay I don't know if that's considered technology, but I suck at it.... Seriously bad at it.

I'm thinking that maybe the Amish were the smart ones. If only I could pull off wearing a bonnet.

Sunday, August 28, 2011


I absolutely love to talk to someone who is
expecting a child or to someone who has yet to have children.
Why? You ask. Because they say things
that make me giggle.
Because I said the exact same things......
before I had kids.

"My child will never sleep in the bed with us" or "My child will only eat healthy foods, no junk for our precious pumpkin" or "If that were my child screaming in Walmart I'd let them have it and we'd leave" or "My child will never eat rabbit poop".

 I said all of these things at one point in my life. I thought because I had been a nanny several years and because I had worked in a couple of daycares that I'd have this parenting thing down to the "T". It was going to be super easy for me and my children were going to be the most well behaved, calm children with the best manners. Piece of cake. Right? Right??

Enter Child #1. Description: Very cute, red headed baby with colic and a cry so loud it made dogs howl. (Don't let his tininess fool you, he was loud).

 Two weeks into this mommy thing and my life began to unravel. Apparently it's not as easy when the child is yours and you can't hand it over and go home at the end of the day. Many times I called my mother crying because I didn't know what to do and I was obviously failing my baby. I mean if his own mother can't make him stop crying she must be inadequate?! So to make everyone happy and to make the dogs quiet down, he began sleeping in the bed with us, propped up on a boppy with me checking to make sure he was breathing every 5 minutes. Yep, it was a shameful moment of defeat for me. I had done the one thing I was strongly adamant that he wouldn't do. But we all got more sleep and that made everyone happy.

Baby #1 grows up a bit. Description: Very cute, red headed little boy with a sassy attitude and picky taste.

  So the little baby has grown into a little boy. Remember how I said he'd eat healthy foods? Veggie and fruits galore! Yeah..... so cheese is kind of healthy isn't it? He eats grilled cheese, cheese roll up, cheese on bread, and pizza with cheese...... Sigh. So go ahead and check that one off of my list.

Enter in Baby #2. Description: very bright blue eyes, beautiful, hot tempered little fella.

 Baby #2 is my boundary pusher. He likes to push as many buttons as possible. I have now been that mother with the screaming child in walmart, exhausting every effort to make the little guy happy just so I can finish grocery shopping. Meeting the glares from fellow shoppers while smiling nervously and trying not to cry. CHECK and check.

Baby #2 a little bit older
 Yeah so the whole not going to eat rabbit poop thing.... maybe I didn't quite say it in those words, but I failed that one too. I won't go into detail as I'm sure you can all imagine the horror and sickness I felt when I discovered that those weren't little chocolate morsels of yumminess... Okay enough of that. Check.

So I sit here and I giggle and I think oh you just wait with a little bit of satisfaction in knowing that I'm not going to be alone in this crazy world of parenting. I love to hear other parents talk about there, "I will never" moments and how they were ridiculously wrong as well. I'm learning to take most of my parenting expectations and throw them into the wind and just take it day by day. We're finding out what works best for us. I guess some would say I have a laidback style of parenting. I let my children jump on the furniture, feed them cookies for breakfast, and let them turn the whole bathroom into a splash zone. But it's what works for us. Is it how I thought things would be? Heck no. But are we having fun? Very much so.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Making it Work

Marriage is hard work.
Whoever said it wasn't is either:
A) Not married
B) Has been married 6 months or less
C) Is in complete denial

  We are by no means marriage gurus, but I like to take pride that we've been married over 7 years now and have not hit any bumps in the road or had any regrets about our decision in choosing each other as our better halves so I thought I'd compile a list on how we make things work. 

1. We have learned to communicate without using words. I like to think of it as mind reading or ESPN if you will (yes I know I said ESPN, but that's what I use to think it was called so I will continue on with calling it that).

Ex. When I pick up a frying pan and one of my eyes start twitching he knows to be quiet because I have seconds away from smacking him up side the head, so he stops.

Ex. When he rolls his eyes and puts his hands on his hips he thinks I'm being over dramatic or I know I have succeeded in totally irritating the crap out of him, so I slack off.

2. We know what irritates the other person to no end and we use it wisely.

Ex. I hate to be tickled or have my leg squeezed right above my knee. If he wants to make me mad that's all he has to do. Works every time. He has since learned to use this veryyyy rarely. One quick punch below the belt will do that to a man. Actually didn't mean to do that, but hey it worked.

Ex. I know he hates for me to stare at him and make weird faces while he's driving. So of course I do this to no end when I want to rile him up. Why yes, I am 5 years old.

3. There are unspoken moments.

Ex. If I'm laying in bed crying for no other reason that I'm a nutbar, he will hold me and kiss my neck to let me know he thinks I'm crazy, but he still loves me.

Ex. If he calls me from work and starts explaining how pipes work I smile and say, "I miss you too."

4. We compliment each other.

Ex. I tell him, "I love your face and you have soft boy skin."

Ex. He tells me, "You're beautiful and you have a big bottom". Apparently that's a compliment in his book... I keep trying to explain to him that it's really not.

5. We have learned to team up against our kids.

Ex. They're crying nonstop and we need a break. We cover the windows in their bedroom at 6:30 and convince them that it's dark outside so that we can sit alone and just enjoy the quiet.

Ex. We both give each other a break now and then so that we each have a chance to gain some of our sanity back.

6. We still tell each other how much we love each other.

Ex. I watch him reading to our babies and when he looks up we make eye contact and I smile because there is nothing more attractive to me than a man taking care of his children. Later when we're alone I kiss him and tell him how great of a father he is and how I couldn't have picked a better man.

Ex. When I'm getting ready he comes up behind me and puts his arms around me and smiles at me in the mirror and tells me how beautiful I am (even though I have no makeup on and my hair is air drying into a total frizz ball). Then he spins me around kisses me and tells me how much he loves me.

I'm not going to pretend that everything is always sunshine and rainbows. Heaven knows I am hot headed and have the temper of a badger at times. Sometimes we raise our voices, sometimes I pout, but one thing is for sure we love each other with all our hearts and we're dedicated to each other and to our marriage and it's nice to live with that assurance. We hope to be the example to our boys that love and marriage though hard is totally doable. Even if the world seems to think it can be tossed out as easily as it came.

Matthew 19:6 "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together."

Monday, August 22, 2011

This Ain't No Craft Blog

So this past week Sweet Husband I were quite
the little DIYers.
We had a lot of fun working together
and I only freaked out on him maybe
3 times!!

 A little background for you. My parents have over 20 acres on a mountain and this past December we moved next door into a little place that they bought when they expanded their land. This place needed some SERIOUS work. I mean SERIOUS work. It took us several months to get it move in ready and we're still not done with things we need/want to do to fix it up, but we're getting there. We had fixed up the kitchen with some paint, but recently I decided (because I change my mind/taste/style rather frequently) the kitchen needed a face lift. 

 So we got to work. We pulled these stripe thingies off the wall, filled them in with several rounds of drywall mud, sanded them (which resulted in some white nostrils... I did find a mask that I wore for the last 5 minutes of sanding, but I guess that was rather pointless), then we painted the trim and last but not least the walls got a new coat of paint. But alas we still needed something else. So I painted my light fixture and I glued coffee filters on another. Yes, as a matter of fact I do have an addiction to coffee filters.. 

 Still we didn't feel like it was complete. So we drove our little hineys to Home Depot and we got our supplies to do our back splash. Then we put it up... that was fun..... Now we just need new curtains, slipcovers, and maybe one day new floors.  And wallah we'll be done! So I just thought I'd show you why I've been such a blog slacker. I'm not going to show you all of my kitchen because 1. I don't have new curtains yet. 2. We had just eaten lunch and I hadn't cleaned off the table. 3. My windows are dirty.

Here are some before and after pictures. I don't have pictures from when before we moved in, but just imagine hideous wallpaper, food stuck to the floor, odd smells, and lots of dirt.