Monday, October 25, 2010

Guilt Seed

A new baby is such a joy for any new parent. You wait 9 long months for that little bun to bake and then bam it's arrived... okay now what?!?

As soon as that sweet little angel is in it's mother's warm arms a new something starts to grow in a mother. That new something is what I like to call the "Guilt Seed". If you are a mother you know what I'm talking about. You constantly question every decision you make, compare yourself to other mothers around you, and make mistakes right and left. We all have won our share of "Mother of the Year awards".

When I was pregnant with Slaten I had everything mapped out. He would sleep in our room for a few months and then it was straight to his crib. He would never sleep in my bed. He would breastfeed and it would be so easy. When he started eating foods he would only eat good healthy foods. I wasn't going to feed my baby any junk food. When he got old enough to run around he would never run around wild like those other children that were out of control in Walmart.

Well Folks I can tell you... none of that happened. Slaten slept in our room and mostly in our bed until he was 12 months old. He breastfed for 6 weeks and it was such a struggle we all gave up. He won't touch a fruit or veggie and craves junk food. And yes, he has been that child screaming his head off in Walmart (you know the one, you hear the mother threaten the child under her breath as she rushes out the door before anyone she knows comes walking in).  But you know what? Despite all of that I'm a good mother! What makes me a good mother is the fact that I love my children unconditionally and I don't care what others think of how I'm raising my children. So there!

When Slaten was 4 months old I had him propped up on the couch while I was video taping his cuteness. I turned to put the camera away and THUMP he was on the floor crying. I didn't know what to do! I knew I had just broken my baby. So I did what any normal mother would do. I jumped up and ran away crying... Yeah I left my baby on the floor and ran to my bedroom.. Luckily Matthew remained calm and picked up my baby and calmed him down. He showed me that I hadn't broken our baby and I was able to calm down myself. I felt like the worst mother on the face of the planet. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I had allowed that to happen to my baby. Not long after we went to church and a man asked us, "Has he fallen off the bed yet?" I was mortified and thought Oh no he knows what I did. Then he went on to say, "You're not a real parent until your kid falls off the bed." Instantly I felt better. He was right. Things are going to happen sometimes that you can't control and then you realize that you're child is not the first or the last that will have minor mishaps.

When you go on to have another child you feel a lot more confident and relaxed. Just the other day Cullen rolled off the bed, fell off the couch, and pulled a lamp off the table on top of his head. I didn't run away and cry. I just scooped him up, gave him mommy kisses, and went on with my day like nothing happened. Sure he might have been a little black and blue, but he was fine! Cullen started out sleeping in our bed and he's still sleeping in there. I don't feel bad about it either. We all get more sleep that way and it's what is best for my family. I love to see the shocked look on people's faces when I say he's still sleeping in our bed at 10 months old. I'm also still nursing him. I'm proud to be able to say that I've never bought a can of formula for him and I hope to nurse him for 2 more months so I don't ever have to. And I'm sure one day when he's old enough I will be murmuring threats under my breath at him while walking down the Walmart aisle.

I refuse to let the Guilt Seed rule my life. I'm going to remain a confident mommy and I encourage other mommies out there to do the same. Don't worry about what others think. If something works for you and your family do it.. even if it does seem "taboo". Don't compare your children to other children. It will only make life harder for you. Your baby will always be cuter than everyone else's, your toddler will be smarter, and your kid will be better. And you know what you're right! Just like I'm right when saying my kids are cuter, smarter, and better than every single kid in the world :)

I'd love to hear about your mommy mishaps. So feel free to comment!!!

* Side note: some pictures of my cuties

1 comment:

  1. I really like the fact that you shot Cullen in the head with a nerf arrow! Haha! I know you didn't really, but it's funny nonetheless. I was really proud that Slaten actually bit that apple! Ok, so he spit the little chunk out, but at least he bit it!