Everyone is Asleep

It's late.

Everyone is asleep.

I should be. Yet here I am.

I'm fighting the urge to go snuggle deep in the covers with Slaten and breathe in his boyish smell.

Or gently pick up Cullen and rock him while I feel each rise and fall of his chest.

Or wake Sweet Husband up just to put his arms around me so I can feel his warmth.

Why is it that I wait until this late to want these things?

Maybe it's the innocent look on their faces as they lie so peacefully.

Maybe it's the realization that another day is gone and they're that much

closer to not needing mommy as much.

Why is it I crave quiet time, but when I get it my thoughts are

consumed with wanting to hold my family?

Because they're my world.

And I want to freeze time to really soak in these memories.

To remember the quiet noises Cullen makes while dreaming.

Or the small snores that come from Slaten.

Or the happy laughs that Sweet Husband sometimes does

in his sleep (that he doesn't know about...).

I need to remember this feeling throughout

the day, everyday. So I'm writing them here as a reminder,

that I never want to forget how I feel about them

in this exact moment.